January 26, 2016

Mourning With Those That Mourn

Lead With Your Heart…Not Your Head

  • In the end, let your heart be your guide.
  • Follow the promptings from the heart.
  • Sometimes what makes sense doesn’t always feel right so use your heart to feel your way through these tough times.
  • Share your heartfelt stories.
  • Write down your thoughts and share them when it’s appropriate.
  • Let your love carry the message to the hearts of others.

Stay Close Yet Give Them Space

  • Families in mourning need space and yet they also need community.
  • We heal faster with others than alone.
  • Family and community bring us consistency and strength.
  • Check in occasionally by providing service, like bringing them breakfasts not just dinners.
  • Use technology to stay in touch…and that allows the person to respond when they want to or have time to.

Be Real To Help Heal

  • Many times in difficult situations we don’t know what to say or how to say it.  So we sometimes end up acting in ways that seem awkward or strange, and saying things that aren’t as real as maybe we should be.
  • If you don’t know what to say, then say to the grieving person, “I don’t know what to say.”
  • Don’t give fake answers like…
    • “He (the deceased) looks great…”
    • “You need to take the family on a cruise.”
  • Don’t give advice if people aren’t asking for any.
  • Remember you can’t be efficient with people they need you to be effective.
  • Spend more time listening than talking and allow the person in mourning to share what’s really going on in their heart.

Don’t Ask If You Can Help…Just Help!

  • Most people won’t ask for help even when they need it.
  • They will eventually eat a meal that was brought by.
  • They won’t put the snow from their walks back on their walks if you’ve shoveled it.
  • Help them manage other parts of their life. (Wash cars, make phone calls, and reschedule appointments).

Permit The New Losses to Reconnect Old Friendships

  • Heaven is closest when someone dies so this is the perfect moment to reconnect, or apologize and mend and old relationship.
  • These circumstances could be a great time to break the awkward silence of years of no talking.

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