When It Comes to Stress/Conflict... What Is Your Go-to Coping Mechanism?

Living in a stressful world, each person adopts coping mechanisms learned from childhood or observed from others. As we enter relationships, these mechanisms can clash, impacting not only our lives but those around us. Here are four steps to recognize and manage your approach to daily stress/conflict:

1. Recognize Your Go-to Coping Mechanism

Identify if you're a Thinker, Talker, Mover, or Avoider:

- Thinker (Stewing): Constantly thinking about the issue.

- Talker (Solving): Wants to discuss and find solutions.

- Mover (Achieving): Takes action to solve problems.

- Avoider (Numbing): Escapes and avoids confrontation.

2. Recognize How Your Conflict Coping Style Affects Others

Understand how your approach impacts those around you:

- Thinker: Others may feel uncertainty about your thoughts.

- Talker: Risk of creating enemies due to constant talking.

- Mover: Others may feel stressed due to your constant activity.

- Avoider: Others might perceive you as detached and uncaring.

3. Figure Out Where This Coping Mechanism Originated

Reflect on where you learned your coping mechanism:

- Home: Did you pick it up from your parents?

- Coaches/Teams/Marriage: Influences from various sources.

- Fear Behind the Coping Mechanism: Identify the driving fear behind your coping strategy.

4. Is There a Healthier Coping Mechanism & How Will You Learn it?

Evaluate the effectiveness of your current coping method and consider healthier alternatives:

- Thinker: Write down thoughts, act more on them.

- Talker: Listen more, ask questions, use a journal.

- Mover: Focus on people, stay present, use service to connect.

- Avoider: Talk more, take productive actions, avoid numbing.

Ask yourself if your current coping method improves your life and recognize the costs associated with it. Seek opportunities to learn healthier ways to manage stress and conflict, promoting better relationships and overall well-being.