The Seven Reasons We Communicate in Relationships

Communication is widely acknowledged as the cornerstone of successful relationships, yet many struggle to master effective communication. The key to becoming more effective lies in understanding the desired results of our communication. This blog explores the seven reasons why we communicate, shedding light on the motives that shape our interactions.

1. Inform & Update

   - We communicate to transfer important information.

   - The data transfer is factual and neutral, serving as a means of sharing information.

   - Men often choose to communicate for data transfer purposes.

   Example: "John’s game is tonight at 7 pm, and because there are eight teams playing, the parking lot is always packed. We found last week the earlier you got there, the easier it was to get a spot."

2. Persuade to Act

   - Communication aimed at driving action or inducing change.

   - Persuasion introduces a change in tone and demeanor.

   - It can put others on the defensive, feeling their freedoms are being infringed upon.

   Example: "We have to leave here at 6:30 so we can get to the game and be seated by 7 pm."

3. Co-Regulate Emotion

   - Effective communication helps co-regulate the emotions of those around us.

   - Often used to lower negative emotions after a disagreement.

   - Emotions are regulated through venting, listening, validating, and understanding.

4. Maintain or Elevate Status

   - Communication serves to elevate one's status and hierarchy.

   - Balancing self-respect and outer respect, avoiding loss of face.

   - Men may find it challenging to apologize as it may lower their status.

   Example: "Yeah, when I was asked to speak at the Sales Golden Circle Awards banquet for receiving the most consecutive quarters as the top 5 salespeople in my company, I felt like these guys are going to get so sick from hearing from me."

5. Manage Expectations

   - Focuses on maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain.

   - Goal is to prevent future problems by setting realistic expectations.

   - A powerful way to align with others when sincerity is maintained.

   Example: "This isn’t a gift I would normally give you, but it has a lot of my heart in it."

6. Entertain

   - Communication used for entertainment to prevent boredom.

   - Less about the content and more about creating excitement.

   - Involves storytelling, jokes, or engaging in entertaining activities.

  Example: "Do you remember that one time we... What’s going on with the drama from your cul de sac? Have the police appeared again?"

7. Bonding Us Together

   - Communication as a bonding process bringing participants together.

   - The goal is to create a sense of connection.

   - Women are statistically more inclined to use communication for bonding.

In conclusion, understanding the underlying reasons for communication helps enhance its effectiveness in relationships. As Virginia Satir aptly stated, "Communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationship a person makes with others and what happens to them in the world."