The Four Glues That Bind Relationships Together

Have you ever witnessed something profoundly beautiful, like a sunset on a beach, and immediately felt a twinge of regret that someone you love wasn't there to share that precious moment with you? This feeling has a name, and we call it... Mutuality.

Mutuality -The quality or state of being mutual or shared. A sharing of sentiments and experiences with another person that connects them together.

As social beings, we yearn to share life's experiences with someone who matters deeply to us. This shared mutuality forms the foundation of healthy and happy relationships. Amid various challenges that can strain relationships, there are four key elements of mutuality, or "glues," that, when shared, fortify our connections despite trials.

1. Mutual Trust 

When a couple has mutual trust, they believe in each other's character and competence to face the world together. Healthy, long-term relationships thrive on shared trust, given and earned over time. Trust is essential for growth functions in relationships, such as risk-taking, committing, and being vulnerable. Trust is established when consistent actions align with promises, building safety and fostering growth.

ACTION: Grow trust by consistently doing what you say you'll do and maintaining promises based on values, not circumstances.

2. Mutual Understanding 

The ability to communicate, empathize, and connect at a deeper level, seeing the world from your partner's perspective. Mutual understanding involves efforts to comprehend your partner's frame of reference, fostering empathy. Founded in mutual trust, understanding leads to interdependent companionship. Healthier communicators listen more than they speak, creating safe spaces for open sharing without judgment.

ACTION: Practice listening, think about your partner's perspective, ask questions, and accept their thoughts without debate.

3. Mutual Benefit 

Couples seeking mutual benefit ensure that results in the relationship benefit both parties fully. Instead of pursuing individual wins, they work together for the holistic benefit of both partners. Recognizing that motivation and commitment thrive when both partners see real, fulfilling benefits. Mutual trust and understanding pave the way for partners to build mutually energizing results.

ACTION: Find ways to ensure your partner benefits as much as you do in different situations. Elevate your partner's needs as high as your own.

4. Mutual Growth 

The ideal that both partners are becoming their best versions, contributing to the elevation of the relationship. Requires openness, willingness to change, learn, and grow individually and as a couple. Involves tangible, incremental improvement over time, celebrating and supporting each other's growth. Demonstrates "eudaimonia" – flourishing through tough times, striving to be the best versions of themselves.

ACTION: Identify areas for improvement, create plans, and work together on living and being healthier. Acknowledge and appreciate the positive changes you've seen in your partner.

In essence, these four glues, when shared, create the most secure and connected relationships, providing a foundation for growth, understanding, and lasting love.