How to Create Connections in Casual Conversation

Tis the season to be jolly, right? However, for every person who loves the social demands of Thanksgiving dinners, holiday parties, and endless social engagements, there is another who is stressed out by it all. In the field of positive psychology, the research surrounding the process of connection and love is an area of study called "emotional resonance." Humans are already wired to be excellent at creating emotional resonance with others. So, to enhance your ability to create connections in casual conversations, here are four research-based principles to live by:

Curiosity

Curiosity, defined as a strong desire to know or learn something, is a powerful tool for creating connected and deeper conversations. As Iris Apfel wisely said, "You have to be interested. If you're not interested, you can't be interesting." Simply being curious about another person is a powerful sign that you want to know more about them, making you more attractive to others. People are naturally self-centric, so the more curious you are about them, the more interesting and worth talking to you become. Approach every conversation as an opportunity to learn something new.

Toolkit for Curiosity:

- Show genuine interest in the other person.

- Listen more than you talk.

- Ask deeper questions that elicit introspective responses.

- Ask for advice.

- Physically lean toward others when listening.

Synchrony

Humans are wired to pair and share with others, and synchrony plays a crucial role in creating connections. Signs of synchrony are evident in various aspects of life and nature. To enhance synchrony in conversations:

- Put away distractions and technology.

- Turn toward the person, maintaining face-to-face, eye-to-eye contact.

- Give your full attention to the other person.

- Stay present and avoid drifting off mentally.

- Be physically present in the space with them.

- Pay attention to their emotions and expressions.

- Avoid dominating the conversation.

Positivity

Positivity in conversations involves intentionally seeking, creating, and sharing positive emotional experiences. People are naturally attracted to positivity, especially when directed at them. Life is inherently positive, and finding the positive aspects in conversations leads to a more positive experience. Aim for a 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio in conversations, as suggested by John Gottman's research.

Positivity Toolkit:

- Give sincere compliments.

- Use positive body language, including smiling and maintaining eye contact.

- Incorporate laughter and humor.

- Look for commonalities and shared interests.

- Show hope and optimism in discussions.

Charity

Charity involves prioritizing the well-being of others above your own, contributing to a sense of trust and connection. Practicing charity socially allows you to lose yourself in serving others and fosters a deeper bond.

Charity Toolkit:

- Serve the other person by offering assistance.

- Put people at ease and change the subject if needed.

- Retain confidences and avoid gossiping.

- Be loyal to those who are absent.

- Use your contacts, insights, or gifts to make the other person's life better.

By incorporating these principles of curiosity, synchrony, positivity, and charity, you can create deeper and more meaningful connections in your casual conversations.