Four Rules to Peaceful Conflict Management

1. Elevate Your Character and Competency

Your ability to handle conflicts is directly linked to your character and competency. Character involves integrity, self-control, and the ability to listen without reacting. Competency refers to the skills and effectiveness in communication. Take responsibility for the outcomes and processes in the conversation, ensuring growth in both character and competency.

To Do: Demand a higher level of interaction from yourself, focusing on growing your character through active listening, vulnerability, and learning communication skills.

2. Clarify Why You Are Talking

Clearly state your goal at the beginning of the conversation to avoid drifting or avoidance. Specify your intention and openly communicate your desire for understanding. If the conversation strays, bring it back on track by restating your goal and refocusing on the initial purpose.

To Do: Clearly define the conversation's goal and expected outcomes. Ensure both parties understand and agree on the purpose of the discussion.

3. Attend to Their Needs, Not Nags

Focus on the deeper needs instead of getting lost in past stories during conversations. Identify and address fundamental needs such as safety, trust, appreciation, respect, validation, encouragement, and dedication. Avoid bringing up past issues through stories and concentrate on the core needs to prevent confusion and misinterpretation.

To Do: Articulate the underlying safety and trust concerns rather than recounting past stories. Express how the current situation relates to deeper emotional needs.

4. Listen First, Then Lift Upward

Choose your response to conflict wisely. After listening attentively, use techniques like agreeing, admitting mistakes, acknowledging truths, appreciating positive aspects, accepting responsibility, and apologizing. Lift the conversation upward by building on agreement, admitting mistakes, appreciating positive aspects, and fostering understanding.

To Do: Build trust and understanding by actively listening first. Use techniques to lift the conversation upward, creating a positive and constructive dialogue.