Four Commitments to Create Lasting Love In Your Marriage

In a world where the concept of "marriage for life" is questioned, many individuals, including clients, grapple with the crisis of love. Misunderstandings about the nature of love contribute to this struggle. This article explores the critical components of lasting love—Chemistry, Closeness, and Commitment—and emphasizes the need to reorder their importance for enduring relationships.

1. Commit to Reordering Your Love to One That Lasts

In traditional western cultures, the prioritization of love is often skewed—placing Chemistry at the forefront, followed by Commitment and Closeness. This order fails to account for the natural fluctuations in chemistry and tends to make people feel they've fallen out of love. To cultivate lasting love, a shift to a companionate love model is proposed—prioritizing Closeness, Commitment, and Chemistry.

TO DO: Reset your focus on the intimate side of relationships. Prioritize companionate love as the overarching goal.

2. Commit to Place Your Spouse as Your BFF

Building on the companionate love model, the commitment to making your spouse your Best Friend Forever (BFF) is crucial. Friendship becomes the foundation for a happy and fulfilling marriage. Actions to solidify this commitment include increasing time together, finding shared interests, and honoring mutual goals.

TO DO: Intentionally focus on making your spouse a close friend again. Invest time in shared activities, conversations, and commitments.

3. Commit To Deepen Your Emotional Intimacy and Attachment

Deepening emotional intimacy and attachment involves understanding your partner on a profound level. Share vulnerabilities, fears, and dreams to strengthen the bond. Encourage open communication and create a safe space for sharing deeper stories. This commitment involves owning your insecurities and weaknesses, fostering an environment where vulnerability is embraced.

TO DO: Share deeper stories, express vulnerabilities, and make it safe for your partner to share their truths. Invest time in learning about each other beyond surface-level interactions.

4. Commit to Grow the Passion in Your Love

Closer friendships and increased emotional intimacy naturally lead to closeness. While this doesn't always equate to increased physical intimacy, there are ways to reignite passion. Exploring new, exciting activities together, engaging in chemically charged experiences, and revisiting activities that once brought you together can reignite the chemistry.

TO DO: Find new activities, step out of your comfort zone, and create a list of passion-inducing experiences. Continuously search for ways to infuse passion into your relationship.

In conclusion, these four commitments aim to transform how we perceive, feel, and act on love within a marriage. By reordering priorities and investing in friendship, emotional intimacy, and passion, couples can create lasting and fulfilling relationships.