Five Things That Keep You from Parenting as a Team

Parenting can strain a couple's relationship, causing division instead of unity. Differences in opinion, the intensity of child-related issues, and uncertainty about the best parenting approach can contribute to this. It's essential to address these challenges and strengthen the bond between partners. Here are five common issues that hinder parenting as a team and suggestions on how to overcome them.

1. Using Two Different Play Books

Teams cannot succeed if using completely different playbooks. Instead of arguing about whose way is right, create a unified playbook titled "OUR Parenting Playbook." Gather effective strategies from various sources, including your parents, friends' parents, and parenting books. Be open to adjustments as needed.

2. Winging It or Willing It!

Parenting requires planning, preparation, and execution. Winging it (improvising) or willing it (relying solely on willpower) won't suffice. Establish a plan, recognizing that each child may need a different approach. Set aside time to discuss and plan for each child, addressing who, what, when, where, and why.

3. Fixation on Practices Not Principles

Parents may argue about specific practices without understanding the underlying principles. Break down divisive practices into underlying principles that unite you. Focus on the deeper principles behind activities, finding common ground rather than making it an either/or proposition.

4. Believing That Parenting is Top Down

Recognize that effective parenting involves responding to your children's needs in real-time rather than imposing authority. Understand that parenting is a collaborative effort, not something done to children. Conduct a needs assessment on your children to better understand and respond to their individual needs.

5. Fixating On What Is Broken

Emphasizing what is broken doesn't motivate positive change. Humans, including children, need positivity and reinforcement of success. Identify positive aspects daily and communicate them to your children and partner. Reinforce positive behaviors, incorporating them into your parenting playbook.

Addressing these issues and adopting a collaborative, positive approach can significantly contribute to effective co-parenting and strengthen the bond between partners.