Coaching Family Members with Social Anxiety: Overcoming the Back-to-School Jitters

The back-to-school season can be a challenging time, especially for those prone to social anxiety. As a parent who experienced mild preschool jitters every year, I recall the week leading up to school, filled with impending doom and socially destructive scenarios playing out in my mind. With the rise of social anxiety, exacerbated by technology replacing face-to-face interactions, it's crucial to address these concerns in a constructive way. Here are five coaching tools to help family members, especially children, become braver and minimize their fears.

Help Others to Become Braver, Not Less Afraid

Drawing inspiration from a Jordan Peterson quote, it's essential to understand that anxiety is an issue many will deal with throughout life. A single conversation won't fix it, but showing your child that they are lovable, capable, belong, and are safe lays a foundation for improvement. The process should involve the person, not just solving it for them, and progress may be slow, aiming for 1% improvement every day. Anxiety often relates to emotional maturity, so providing support without rushing to fix the problem is crucial.

Explore Emotions, Not Stories

Addressing the real problem - fear - is crucial. Engage in discussions about emotions, encouraging the person to articulate their feelings. Avoid asking "why," as it tends to bring up hypothetical fears. The focus should be on helping them understand their feelings before delving into the reasons behind them. Normalize the feelings, be open, and vulnerable about your own experiences with anxiety, creating a safe space to explore and express emotions.

Go Back and Up to Move Forward

Stress often makes individuals look back but usually into negative experiences. The key is to look back and up, finding solutions and successes from the past to move forward. Discuss similar feelings in past situations, focusing on overcoming anxiety and worry. Counter present negativity with yesterday’s success, emphasizing that the goal isn’t to talk them out of anxiety but to remind them of principles used in the past to conquer fears.

Build a Playbook of What Works

Encourage discussions about what worked each day, building a playbook of strategies that proved effective. Identify strengths and character traits that can be leveraged to manage emotions positively. Practicing these strengths daily and keeping a record of positive experiences contributes to creating a personalized playbook for handling social anxiety.

The back-to-school jitters may never disappear entirely, but by adopting these coaching tools, families can work together to foster bravery and resilience in the face of social anxiety. Remember, it's about increasing courage, not eliminating anxiety.