Feeding the Starved Relationship FAQ’s
Couples that are STARVED fall into a very typical pattern of “behaving badly”. I call the pattern the STARVED Spiral and it is made up of following six highly destructive behaviors: Selfishness, Reactivity, Polarization, Negativity, Hopelessness and Abandonment. What hurts couples most when they’re in spiral isn’t what their partner is doing to them but the fact that they are turning into a person that they don’t like. They don’t believe in being selfish, reactive or negative and yet they’re doing it, with someone they say the love.
What Is the Feeding the Starved Marriage Program?
The Feeding the STARVED Relationship Program is a set of roughly 42 skills and tools that can be used to take a couple from a state of being STARVED with each other to a level of feeling fed and connected again. The program can be delivered in a variety of approaches to better suit your lifestyle and needs. It includes twelve hours of workshops focused on skills building which can be accessed both live in Utah or over delivered in a digital format so you can watch the videos from the comfort of your own home. Most couples also choose to engage one of our TRC’s Certified Relationship Coaches to help the couple’s practice and implement the skills and create a sense of accountability for the learning. Coaching sessions can be held in either face to face settings in Utah or more commonly over Facetime or Skype. The coaching sessions last 50 minutes and include time to follow up on weekly assignments, to identify what is working in the relationship, communication practice on real issues, rule setting and ritual making and assignments for the next session. Coaches usually hold 3 to 6 sessions with couples.
How Long Does the Feeding the Starved Relationship Program Usually Last?
How long your coaching sessions last is completely dependent upon your needs, issues and abilities as a couple. On average, our programs run from six to twelve weeks long. One reason we are able to have success so quickly is because of our proven process. Our clients usually have many hours learning skills and tools before practicing those skills with one of our TRC Certified Relationship Coaches. This combination of skills and practice creates a momentum of change on the real issues these couples are facing. That momentum creates confidence which allows you to use the skills more quickly in your everyday life without the coaches being involved. You can quickly see measurable change and are placed back on the path to a fulfilling relationship.
What If Our Relationship Is Just Too Far Gone, Too Damaged? Is the Program Even Worth It?
Yes!!! The Feeding the STARVED Relationship program is worth it regardless of how damaged you think your relationship is. In fact, it may be your only hope, because doing nothing will only keep getting you the same result you’ve been getting and ending your relationship still won’t teach you how to feed and grow a relationship when things are hard. Historically one third of the couples that take the Feeding the STARVED Relationship program are on the verge of divorce and 75% of those couples save their marriage. We’ve worked with dozens of couples who are in the middle of their divorces that have managed to learn new skills and adjust their negative patterns, and save their marriages. We suggest that before making the biggest decision to end your relationship, take a few months and see what the principles of Character, Communication, Companionship and Change can do for your relationship or more importantly, for you. In the end, these principles will either save your relationship (which they usually do) or they will help you to transition onto healthier future relationships. If you have kids, remember that just because your marriage ends, it doesn’t mean that your need to relate ends. Learning these skills together will help you two to navigate the enormous decisions that come with ending a marriage and will help you to be a better co parent.
What Types of Relationships Does the Program Help You to Feed?
All types! At Townsend Relationship Center we have coach literally all types of relationships from all backgrounds and abilities. Whether you are dating or married, divorcing or divorced, court ordered to get help, business partners or just trying to improve your own connection, we can help you improve how you interact. We also coach extensively on parenting relationships and business relationships. We have worked with divorced couples teaching them how to co-parent for the benefit of their children, and our coaches have extensive experience coaching in the business arena. Below is a list of other areas we have developed programs.
● Engaged couples
● Second marriages
● Struggling marriages
● Blended families
● Parent/child relationships
● Family dialogues or interventions.
● Struggling business partnerships
● Manager/employees breakdowns
● Service employee/customer team
Overall, we are willing to work with any relationship problem no matter what form it takes.
What If I Want to Do the Program but My Partner Doesn’t?
Actually this is a very common situation and you need not worry too much about it at first. We have experienced a considerable amount of success in our marriage coaching, even if there is just one spouse looking to improve. Obviously “two heads are better than one head” when working on relationship issues, but when that’s not possible, we’ve found that one head is better than none. Relationships are such that if one person makes significant changes then the relationship must change. That inevitable change is due to the fact that all relationships are systems, and if you change one part of the system, then other parts will be affected. This principle is self-evident when you think about how easily one partner in the relationship can mess things up with just one selfish or uncaring act. If one partner can so easily mess up the relationship, isn’t it also possible that one partner can just as easily improve the relationship if they’re focused on the right things? Our coaches help you examine your relationship as a system. Whether you are alone or together, they can specific guidance on how to begin to improve your interactions in an effort to deliver the results and peace you are looking for. They will also help you build your skills and confidence so you can know how to better work with your spouse and help them to help the relationship.
We’ve Already Been to a Couple of Marriage Counselors How Is This Going to Be Different?
One benefit of marriage coaching is the perceived definition. In a comparison of coaching versus therapy, there is a benefit to coaching because men typically feel that therapy is a much more “female” oriented process with lots of “touchy-feely talking.” Our research shows that men tend to respond better to the concept of coaching and they show significantly more willingness to get help from a coach than from a therapist. So before you come in alone, talk to your partner and test their response.
In coaching we also focus much more on skills than psychoanalysis, our primary desire is to help you dramatically improve the conditions of your relationships. With extensive experience in the game of relating, our coaches become a temporary partner in your relationship. We watch your relationships from the sidelines and analyze your interactions, quickly identifying disabling habits and patterns that you and your partner might not be able to see. Once the patterns are understood we work together to customize new ways for you to see your partner and cooperatively develop solutions and skills designed to get the results you desire. Ultimately the effectiveness of any coach is measured by only one thing…RESULTS.
Is the Feeding the Starved Relationship Program More or Less Expensive Than Counseling or Therapy? Is It Covered by Insurance?
Generally speaking, our coaching is the same hourly price as most established therapists or counselors. The difference comes in what you get for your money. In coaching you get so much more than traditional therapy. Coaching sessions are usually longer than therapy and involve significantly more skill building exercises than therapy. Because coaches are really marriage educators, you receive considerably more tools, skills, materials, skill practice and goal setting activities than with a therapist.
As coaching is still a relatively new specialty, we are not yet covered by insurance providers, which means that potentially more of the money has to come out of pocket. This has turned out to be positive because we’ve found that most couples who pay for their coaching out of pocket are considerably more committed to the process and more willing to make it work, than those who have no financial commitment to coaching. Another reality of insurance is generally only individual therapy is covered and not marriage counseling. Insurance limits the number of sessions you can have without paying for it out of pocket to six 50-minute sessions. That’s less time than our coaches spend working to improve your marriage.