October 12, 2015

5 Keys to Finding the Fun Stuff

Coming Together on Hobbies, Toys & Leisure Time


Remember It Takes Energy To Make Passion

  • If you want more passion and connection in your marriage you’re going to have to exert more energy in your marriage.
  • Many marriages are starving simply because no one is using their energy to feed the marriage.
  • Be careful though because if you wait too long to eat or feed something, they may eventually become too weak to eat what you’re offering. Don’t wait to feed your marriage what it needs, feed it while there is still energy to consume it.
  • At first it was always easy to love what you don’t have and eventually you need to exercise some focused energy to love what you do have.

Energize What You Can Do Together Not What you Can’t!

  • Energy at times is scarce so protect yours by focusing on what you do like to do together and not what you don’t like your partner doing.
  • Whichever circle you focus your energy on on will grow. You can focus on the circle of concern or the circle of connection.
  • The more you focus on what works, the more ideas you’ll find from what you do like doing together.
  • The more negative talk you use around with your partner about their activities, the more they’ll need those activities to heal from time with you.
  • Be an attractor by supporting their activities and try to understand what makes those activities so attractive to them. Use your knowledge to find parallel activities you both can do.
  • Example: Find out why he likes hunting with his friends. Is it the activity, being outdoors, the memories it creates about childhood, etc. Find ways to be active and outdoors with your spouse more, perhaps by going 4 wheeling in the mountains where you can talk while driving or going camping to old camping spots he used to attend.

Stretch Your Marriage By Finding New Things Together

  • Suspend some of your old ways of thinking, and recognize there are new opportunities and experience that are worth having.
  • Think back to the days of old when you used to only like one type of ice cream or food? Do you remember the freedom you felt when you tried something new and like it?
  • One of the signs that we are maturing is when we’re able to try to do new things and be open to eventually liking it. Growing up is actually fun!
  • Old things stay stuck in old thoughts. Try new things together and see what happens.
  • Many times, new things you try turn into awesome things you can do forever together.
  • Recommendation…Try something three times before rejecting it.

Remember You Don’t Need To Like It To Do It!

  • Many of the most important things that make a difference in our lives, we didn’t even like when we started them. (Going to school, eating healthy food, exercising, practicing piano, taking medicine, etc.)
  • Eventually hard things become easier and then easier things become hobbies.
  • Recognize that you need to do something long enough to get good at it and once you do, you’ll appreciate it for what it is.
  • Remember you’re not a 4 year old anymore that can simply decide to do only things you like to do. At some point you need to do things that are good for the marriage.
  • Many times your best way to feel better about something is simply to lose your self in it.

Find the Joy in The “Being”, Not Just in The “Doing

  • Find joy in the “being” of an activity (Being together, being supportive, being happy, being selfless, being unified) rather than the “Doing” of an activity.
  • We can even find joy in the human “being” we’re doing the activities with.
  • Remember that many men get their identity by what they’re doing rather than what they’re being or becoming.
  • No matter what activity that your partner chooses to do, each of us will always have a choice about how we want to be about the activity.
  • In the end, relationships are about mutual benefit so make sure that both parties are selflessly relating for the other.
  • Practice Selflessness

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